Guilt

Sitting on the floor of his almost empty apartment
Drink in one hand a blunt in the other
Red rimmed eyes glassy with unshed tears
He brought the glass to his lips his tongue licking the rim
He downed the contents in one go shaking his head as the fiery liquid burned a path thru his throat
Running a hand thru his hair he cursed out loud
Shouting at someone in the room with him
He was alone
Bringing the blunt to his lips he took a long drag
Savoring the moment when his head cleared and he was in the clouds
Closing his eyes he let himself float felt the weight in his head dissapear
A loud knocking on the door jarred him from his phantasm
Looking out the window he realised the sun had set
Standing up he stumbled to the door his vision tunnel
Getting there he looked thru the peep hole embedded in the wooden framework of the door
He froze
It couldn't be no way
Rubbing his eyes he checked again  but she was still there
A little girl
She looked up at him eyes hopeful as water dripped from her body soaking the carpet around her
Reaching out her hands towards  the door, he backed away n fell over, his mind screaming
It couldn't be, she shouldn't exist
He paced the sparse room whispering to himself
Turning back he saw her making her way towards him
He screamed, his voice echoed around them and then silence
The only sound was the squishing her wet feet made on his floor
He backed away screaming and cursing at the imposibility of it all
She stopped raising her gaze into his frightened one's
Tears glistening in her eyes she whispered quietly her voice like a siren
"Why did you do it, why'd you let me die"
It felt like someone sucker punched him in the gut
He couldn't breathe, the room spun around him
Struggling with a gasp he woke up
Staring around the room he looked for signs that she'd really been there
Looking in the mirror his eyes crusty and red
A single tear escaped and then the dam exploded
He clutched his stomach and cried like a newborn babe
His sob racked through his entire body
And like everything else in his life it was ugly
He wanted to feel numb again, to dream
And even though his dreams were plagued by her
He didn't mind one bit....for it meant he got to see his baby
His beautiful baby girl.....the one he let die
The one he killed.