To the broken boy I still love

Walking into the dark room, my heart constricted and I clenched my fist as I took in the sight

You were sitting in a daze again, on your favourite spot on the sofa a pencil behind your ear, unmoving almost static

The way your eyes glazes over and your chest barely undulates, inanimate like a painting

Slowly I stride purposefully towards you, I want to yell at you to snap out of it, to be here with me, in the present

You looked at me then, your earthy brown eyes darker, bottomless and deep filled with sorrow and despair

Running your hands through your hair as you let out a breath, holding out your arms to me

I want to throw myself into your arms and break down and cry at the unfairness of it all 

But instead I hold you even though I'm breaking apart too and can't seem to find all my missing pieces 

Whispering quietly in your ears as you grip me even tighter, anchoring me to you

Will there come a day when everything would be more than OK? 

Not good or fine, but a day when we'd bask in the magnificence of pure happiness? 

We'd live and breathe strength, existing in our own tangible joys

Listening to the sound of rain drops and reading good books, enveloped in comfort 

Enjoying each day without regret or guilt, truly living

Will there come a day when we'd never have to worry, just taking things casually? 

Pressing your forehead against mine your thumb wiping way the tear tracks on my cheeks, you laughed

The sound was empty and hollow sounding louder in the empty room punctuated only by our ragged breaths 

Hooking your fingers at the back of my head you spoke sofly, I cried harder it had been weeks since I'd heard your voice 

You said  

I'd like a day without dark clouds hovering over me and nothing on my mind 

I hate this feeling in my chest threatening to suffocate me 

Exhaustion chasing at my coat tails even after hours of rest, longing for what could have been 

Engulfed in the emptiness of my reality, chasing the solace of my dreams 

Could you promise me those days? 

I'll never ask for anything more but this, light a fire at the end of this tunnel 

So it's flames could set ablaze the embers of hope in my heart until it becomes a beacon to guide my way to those magical days 

You finished, eyes red and filled with stubborn tears refusing to fall

Hugging you close my fingers embedding into the skin of your back, I shuddered at the raw pain in your being

I'd do it, give you those days no matter what 

I know what it's like to loose everything because I loose you a bit more each day, my everything 

So I'd give you what you want 

Even if my heart is to be the flint and tinder to burn a path for you to those better days