RE; Dear someone

SONG: KEEP ME by khalid
I don't mean to bother you
There's something that I want from you
for you to open your eyes and tear down those false curtains and see the truth
see how you created a role and forced me into
can you think back
to a time where you never walked on eggshells around me?
can you think back
to a time where everything I said wasn't taken to heart, words meant with candour and teasing?
its my fault I think
you told me it would never work from the beginning
but I forced something that was meant to be your choice
it was always difficult being with you in close proximity
your complete and utter disregard for your own intelligence and beauty
and my overly emphasized confidence and bravado but couldn't you see
couldn't you look deep enough and see a little girl with insecurities
but you never did
you took my words like we were at war
everything I did or said was dissected and true meaning lost and misconstrued
it always felt like you where on defence
protecting your heart from me? or that monster you realised exists in me?
I was always on the offensive, I had to think twice about what I said and recheck my face in your presence
afraid that a simple eye roll or a tilt of my head at a particular angle will cause you to think I meant some disrespect
everything I did was blown out of proportion and made into something it wasn't
you accused me of perfection when I was capable of mistakes like everyone else's
my apologies where never taken seriously but rather seen as a power play in your eyes
every move I made was observed and dissected like I was a cadaver on your table
was I ashamed yes, and so I made my final statement of apology but it was not enough, nothing was ever enough
you put me up on a pedestal so high, I became a wicked queen ruling over her subjects in your eyes
and I could never get down, I was stuck there
I never had the same scale as the rest of your friends
my scale was bigger more demanding and I fell short of it every goddamn time
I failed every test and with each a step in our bridge burned
I made the final mistake and set everything on fire
I packed up the ashes and the only map and buried it
now looking at you from the other side of this rift
you're anything but miserable, you seem truly happy
I should comfort myself with that fact knowing fully well we were never meant to be
and so as I sign off I acknowledge your letter as seen and received
that's what you wanted right? for me to read it?
I have and although I'm not sure you expected me to respond I thought its high time I did before I let you be completely.
getting all this off my chest might have done more harm than good but I wrote this for me much like you also did
I could lie and say I have no regrets but I do and I know you do to
but its too late to turn back now, I chose fire because our bond was never strong enough to be a phoenix rising from the ashes
it may seem childish but it was probably the only thing I've managed to do right by you
so don't spend your days thinking of me, the one who failed you, because I won't do the same
move on, and at the risk of sounding cheesy
live, laugh, love. after all you only live once right?.
all my love, your perfect monster
Amethyst.