Grief

As I write this my vision blurs my heart races my hand rattles
Tears roll down my face in a hot cascade of bottled up emotion
There are 5 stages of grief in been told denial,  anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance
I'm past denial but the feelings are so strong I'm haunted and traumatized truth be told I'm stuck
I tried to be strong I tried to be cool but I couldn't shake of the impending doom
I wipe my tears and raise my gaze staring up into the sky searching for a way
I walk through the halls with my head in my hands trying to forget the pain in his eyes
My heart is broken it's been ripped out of my chest
I'm a bleak shadow of my former self
I turn around and take that final step
Turning round I stare at the hospital gray walls
Soon I'm assaulted by the smell of disinfectant and death permeating the halls
A lone Tear escapes and rolls down my cheek
At that I ball my hands into fists and run out into the street
Why did this have to happen I scream
I get no response but deafening silence just like the voices saying it was meant to be
I start to sing to beg to cry to the powers that be asking for another chance another day with him
I'll take back all the hurtful things I said
My sharp words like daggers cutting through his defense
I'm home my own void of despair rocking back and forth whispering words no one can hear
I'm all cried out I stand up and look in the mirror
As I see my reflection I gasp In horror at d Tear encrusted face the missed up hair and swollen eyes
This can't be me I disagree
I look around and I know I can't live like this
Stuck in a maze living through a haze
I need to get back on my feet and behave
I loved and lost a sad tale no doubt
But to prove I was worth the sacrifices he made
I must saddle up head out and live a life I would never trade