Untitled

My heart beats so fast
Eyes closed head phones on full blast
Thoughts running through my mind
Can't settle on one can't remember who I am
Burying my face in the pillows trying not to cry
Staring at a face so familiar yet hard to recognize
Can't do this anymore can't be a consolation prize
Can't let this feeling  run my life
Why is it called the past if it can't be left behind
Why do we long for the future if we're in a race against time
The things they say are they really lying
Maybe that's who I am, maybe I'm not really trying
"Get your affairs in order" feels like I'm dying
Forced to listen to a eulogy from those who killed me
Is fate cruel or does it just lack sympathy
Will this subside?
The choking up of my voice and teary eyes
The irregular beating of my heart
The clammy skin and cold finger tips
The need to bawl and scream
Who do I need to be?
So many questions and no one's answering me
What can I do, hurt myself? This isn't the movies
Hold it together that voice inside whispers
I'm  breaking apart , I could care less about pieces and splinters
I wonder though if you'd be my personal cleaner
Sweep me up and piece me back together...
I can't hope for too much I know
I don't deserve half of the things I own
It isn't enough to grow old
It's a matter of choice and location
Did you pick right? Did I?...is this our place? Is this our time?
Are my rantings disguised as poetry worth a dime?
I never knew it was possible to be alive yet still die
To have your spirit mute and your conscience sigh
What does all this mean?
What is all this gibberish
One song on instant replay
Over and over as I purge myself on this page
Can't stop writing can't pause
My finger flying over the keys, eyes brimming with pain
Okay maybe that line was a bit lame
No doubt about it I take the blame
I know you might not relate
But this is difficult for me to articulate
Putting it in words would not abate
All I feel right now ....you can't associate
I just want to be left alone
My life is not a trailer to comment on
I miss the days of loneliness
Cause loneliness was always accompanied by peace and quiet