Prelude

You'd think I'd be over it by now
Fighting back hot tears threatening to spill out
Worrying, looking back, living in what ifs and had I knowns
My heart is completely broken
My dreams pierced it in two then reality shattered it
Was this something I deserved?
What sin am I being punished for committing
Did I think to big?
Was my patience too thin?
Tell me? Are you even listening?
Can't you feel the pain permeating thru my entire being
What is the meaning of this suffering
I don't want to do this anymore
Betrayed and let down
I don't have a choice but to go on
I'm dying inside
My light completely snuffed out
I've forgotten what it means to be happy
Pretended to be fine for so long, laughed at myself for so long
Can't seem to find my way back to who I was
Longing for everything I've lost
When will it stop
The memories constantly reminding me what I gave up
What if I can't do it again this time
What if I'm burnt out and can't succeed
What then becomes of me?
Can you see my fears? Can you taste my grief?
Bitter and salty like the girl I've become
Loneliness my new found companion, crashing on my mind like waves on the shores of my life
I'm completely alone
No one understands
The blood sweat and tears it took to get this far
Completely for nothing
My smile fake, laughter empty, appetite fully suppressed
They say life is just a prelude for death
Well congratulations to me I've begun to die
Ever so slowly, the bitterness eating at my core
Turning me inside out making me crave to end it all